Friday, 27 August 2010

Body After Baby



As much as I absolutely love my new daughter its really hard to come to terms with how much my body has changed in such a short period of time. I've never been naturally slim, I've had to really work to get down to size 8-10. My family are fat because my mum overfeeds us and we didn't do any exercise. When I was 13 I weighed over 13 stone and was creeping up to a size 18. I didn't eat breakfast. My school was full of fatty treats such as cookies and pizza muffins. I would have some of those at break time and then pizza, chips and a brownie for lunch every day. I'd have a sandwich when I got home and then my mum would make us a massive dinner too. I was so depressed, I'd lost most of my friends and just wanted to die. I tried to cut down by just eating a bread roll with marmite for lunch and I lost a bit of weight.

When I was about to go to university in Leeds I joined Virgin Active back home in an attempt to lose weight. I was also on Slim Fast but I don't think it worked for me. However I loved the gym, I went everyday and went on loads of cardio machines and did weights. By this time I was a size 12-14. In Leeds I lived with some really horrible bitches who totally hated everything about me. We shared a kitchen so I always ate really early so I wouldn't have to be in there at the same time as them. I also pretty much lived off crumpets and M&S low-cal meals. Virgin Active in Leeds was crap so I tried some others in the area and decided to join Esporta. At first I remember not really liking it but I soon balanced my work with the gym and went every Saturday afternoon and every Sunday morning (Sundays were good because I could watch the Hollyoaks omnibus whilst on the bike!) without fail, even if I was hungover. I loved it because it was helping me lose weight and it was a great stress reliever because I could get away from work and from my evil housemates.

In my second year I moved to Headingley. Because I loved Esporta I still went there even though the walk was a killer. I got down to 9 stone and was finally happy with my body. Then I met Andy. I still went to the gym once a week because he always had to work at least one day of the weekend but I was eating more (we liked to get drunk in the day, drink milkshakes and get KFC bargin buckets!) so I probably gained a bit. But I was really happy because I had found someone I loved and who loved me.

Then in July I found out I was pregnant. I ate SO much. I craved burgers, baked potatoes and anything featuring bread. I never weighed myself because I knew it would devastate me but I'm guessing I gained anything between 3-4 stone. I got ante-natal depression because of this. Even since I've given birth I still feel like I'm a horrible person now. I'm not the same. I used to be nice, now all I do is shout and cry. When I first weighed myself after giving birth I was 11st 7lbs. Now Chloe is 20 weeks old and I'm only just under 11 stone. Its so depressing. I worked so fucking hard to get my body fit and its all been ruined. Sometimes I resent Chloe for that, I'm sorry to say. I feel like Andy doesn't fancy me anymore because I don't look like how I did before. To top it off I got a large ovarian cyst in pregnancy which is making my stomach bulge. I'm getting that removed soon, so heres hoping it weighs a stone!

Well that was a bit of a ramble lol. But heres the point of the post. I'm doing something about it. I'm trying to stop breastfeeding as Chloe's nearly 6 months. This means I can eat whatever I want without worrying if it will affect her. I'm going to go to the gym everyday now that Andy's getting a new job in Leeds. And the last thing I'm going to do is take Capsiplex. When I first lost all my weight, I took green tea extract but I'm looking for something a bit more drastic this time. Capsiplex is a supplement that contains chilli and caffeine and is supposedly used by people like Jennifer Lopez and Brad Pitt to lose weight. It cost a fucking bomb - £60 for 2 bottles! - so it had better work. I'll be reporting on my progress on here. Wish me luck!


3 comments:

  1. Hi! I can relate to this so much! (apart from the babba) My weight has crept up since being at uni, and living with 4 nasty girls last year made it worse. But in the past few weeks i've decided to do something about it and loose it! I want to start jogging soon too. I'd love to join the gym but i feel really silly and can't really afford it?
    My god, that's very expensive but hey if it works!
    Lovely post :) xo

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  2. This made me really sad :-( I can't imagine what you go through to be slimmer, because of my genes I've always been naturally slim so I can only imagine what you go through and I feel bad that you have put all this pressure on yourself.
    Just remember, it is natural to have differences from your body after pregnancy and I'm sure with your determination you'll get to the weight that you're happy with.

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  3. I think you look fantastic in your pictures, whatever size you are! I know what you mean though, since being diagnosed with PCOS i gained a stone and it really affected me because it was out of my hands, really. Has the capsiplex helped at all?

    S xx fridayisforever.blogspot.com

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