Body After Baby

As much as I absolutely love my new daughter its really hard to come to terms with how much my body has changed in such a short period of time. I've never been naturally slim, I've had to really work to get down to size 8-10. My family are fat because my mum overfeeds us and we didn't do any exercise. When I was 13 I weighed over 13 stone and was creeping up to a size 18. I didn't eat breakfast. My school was full of fatty treats such as cookies and pizza muffins. I would have some of those at break time and then pizza, chips and a brownie for lunch every day. I'd have a sandwich when I got home and then my mum would make us a massive dinner too. I was so depressed, I'd lost most of my friends and just wanted to die. I tried to cut down by just eating a bread roll with marmite for lunch and I lost a bit of weight.

When I was about to go to university in Leeds I joined Virgin Active back home in an attempt to lose weight. I was also on Slim Fast but I don't think it worked for me. However I loved the gym, I went everyday and went on loads of cardio machines and did weights. By this time I was a size 12-14. In Leeds I lived with some really horrible bitches who totally hated everything about me. We shared a kitchen so I always ate really early so I wouldn't have to be in there at the same time as them. I also pretty much lived off crumpets and M&S low-cal meals. Virgin Active in Leeds was crap so I tried some others in the area and decided to join Esporta. At first I remember not really liking it but I soon balanced my work with the gym and went every Saturday afternoon and every Sunday morning (Sundays were good because I could watch the Hollyoaks omnibus whilst on the bike!) without fail, even if I was hungover. I loved it because it was helping me lose weight and it was a great stress reliever because I could get away from work and from my evil housemates.

In my second year I moved to Headingley. Because I loved Esporta I still went there even though the walk was a killer. I got down to 9 stone and was finally happy with my body. Then I met Andy. I still went to the gym once a week because he always had to work at least one day of the weekend but I was eating more (we liked to get drunk in the day, drink milkshakes and get KFC bargin buckets!) so I probably gained a bit. But I was really happy because I had found someone I loved and who loved me.

Then in July I found out I was pregnant. I ate SO much. I craved burgers, baked potatoes and anything featuring bread. I never weighed myself because I knew it would devastate me but I'm guessing I gained anything between 3-4 stone. I got ante-natal depression because of this. Even since I've given birth I still feel like I'm a horrible person now. I'm not the same. I used to be nice, now all I do is shout and cry. When I first weighed myself after giving birth I was 11st 7lbs. Now Chloe is 20 weeks old and I'm only just under 11 stone. Its so depressing. I worked so fucking hard to get my body fit and its all been ruined. Sometimes I resent Chloe for that, I'm sorry to say. I feel like Andy doesn't fancy me anymore because I don't look like how I did before. To top it off I got a large ovarian cyst in pregnancy which is making my stomach bulge. I'm getting that removed soon, so heres hoping it weighs a stone!

Well that was a bit of a ramble lol. But heres the point of the post. I'm doing something about it. I'm trying to stop breastfeeding as Chloe's nearly 6 months. This means I can eat whatever I want without worrying if it will affect her. I'm going to go to the gym everyday now that Andy's getting a new job in Leeds. And the last thing I'm going to do is take Capsiplex. When I first lost all my weight, I took green tea extract but I'm looking for something a bit more drastic this time. Capsiplex is a supplement that contains chilli and caffeine and is supposedly used by people like Jennifer Lopez and Brad Pitt to lose weight. It cost a fucking bomb - £60 for 2 bottles! - so it had better work. I'll be reporting on my progress on here. Wish me luck!

New Layout & Shoes

I got bored of the green layout, so I decided to redo the layout into a grey and peach colour scheme, which is a fave combo of mine at the moment. I just wanted to post about these amazing shoes I picked up in the sale at French Connection. I was browsing when I saw the most perfect heels reduced from £110 to £55.



I normally hate brown but these were just too gorgeous to pass up. I tried them on and they were so comfy but their height absolutely terrified me! However I couldn't stop thinking about them, so I dragged my boyfriend along to see what he thought. "Very Alexa Chung" was his reply, so I knew I had to get them but I still put it off. I looked at them online where they were only £25 but completely sold out. Eventually it was the last day of the sale and I went in to buy them to find that all the brown had sold out. I'd avoided the black because I prefer black with gold rather than silver but considering they were all that were left and had been reduced down further to £25 like on the website, I got them. They are really comfy, I'll definitely be wearing these to our graduation party, which will probably be the next night out I have.

22

Today was my 22nd birthday. It was a bit crap to be honest. I wasn't really looking forward to it at all. I think its because my priorities have changed since becoming a mum. I wore a peter pan collar dress from Primark but I don't have any pictures of it because its basically ruined now. I got toothpaste on it in the morning and mustard from a hot dog on it later in the day :( At least I dressed Chloe up nicely.

I didn't get any presents, just £200 from my dad towards a new phone. I lost my phone in July and Policy Admin Services screwed me over (if you have phone insurance with them, cancel it NOW. They're basically a scam concocted by Phones4U/Dial-a-phone) so I've had to revert to my shitty old Nokia 6280 which doesn't charge properly.

My mum and sister looked after Chloe while me and Andy spent the day at Xscape. Its definitely not like how I thought it would be. It was just full of little kids playing crappy machines that give you tickets to get crappy prizes. One of the highlights was when I traded in my tickets for some Fizz Wizz... oh dear. We didn't do any of the activities. Instead we got drunk and went to see Inception which I loved.

I didn't really expect much of the day so it wasn't much of a disappointment really.